Sunday
it's been a good day so far.. bought lots of music, played scrabble with john and ate some cookies. gave a few people a call, bought some books, wished that i never had another responsibility again.
what do we do for new years? go to alex's? go with john? call michael? nothing? who's to say... anyhow i need some pictures taken of me. any takers?
what do we do for new years? go to alex's? go with john? call michael? nothing? who's to say... anyhow i need some pictures taken of me. any takers?
Tuesday
Worlds Within: Major influences on Hermann Hesse
More than forty years after his death, Hermann Hesse’s work is as influential today as when it was published. Throughout his novels, he presents his deeply personal sentiments for the entire world to see. After making himself vulnerable to the reader, Hesse reflects the life of the reader with stunning fluidity and eventually, bestows upon them a long awaited conclusion, usually a message of hope. Given his exemplary writing ability, Hesse would need some form of drive to create such colorful verbal tapestries.
After careful analysis of several of Hesse’s major works and numerous secondary sources, it is safe to assume that he drew mainly from experience. This thesis will utilize three of Hesse’s major works, his autobiography and several major biographies to prove that Hesse did, indeed, write from experience. Many of the conclusions drawn are the author’s own, which are fully supported by the aforementioned text.
Many of Hesse’s works are borderline autobiographical, touching on spirituality, frustration, and self-discovery drawn almost exclusively from significant periods of his own life (Field, 13). These experiences, along with an admirable dedication to the pursuit of knowledge and a substantial familiarity with the works of literary giants, were the main influences on Hermann Hesse and his contributions to the literary world.
I. Hesse’s Life
“There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life. They take the images outside them for reality and never allow the world within to exert itself.” -Hermann Hesse
If a man wants to thoroughly understand Hesse’s writings, he must first take a look at his life. Because the two are so closely connected, having knowledge of Hesse’s upbringing would make the messages he conveys more concrete.
Hesse was born July 2, 1887 in Calw, Germany to a former protestant missionary of India and daughter of an Indian missionary (Tusken, i). As was the custom, Hesse attended school in preparation for the statewide examination. At the age of 14, Hermann passed with little trouble and was accepted to Maulbronn University, a state funded school of the highest caliber (Field, 16). Although he was very bright, formal education depressed Hermann. After only seven months, he had a nervous breakdown and ran away to commit suicide. Fortunately, he reevaluated his choice and returned unharmed (Ziolkowski, 6).
Troubles continued at school, and Hesse’s father eventually let him drop out. He returned to Calw and took up an apprenticeship at a clock factory from 1894 to 1895 (Ziolkowski,6). As an apprentice, Hesse gained perspective on the mentality of small-town workers and their hardships.
Because he was no longer a student, Hesse had time to read what he saw fit, and as a result, headed directly for his grandfather’s vast library. Here, he was reintroduced to the world literature of his childhood, rich with world myths and legends. Hesse also took advantage of his father’s library, full of German literature from Goethe to Novalis (Hesse, Autobiographical, 5).
In 1895, Hesse took an apprenticeship at Hackenhauer’s bookstore in Tubingen. For the next three years, he would study literature, history, art history, and philosophy independently. It was at this time Hesse began his true writing career, meeting regularly with a circle of fellow writers known as the petite cenacle (Tusken, iii).
In 1899, Hesse published two works; a collection of poetry and a series of prose sketches (which his mother detested). In the same, year, Hesse moved to Basel, Switzerland and was employed at a bookstore. His mother died in 1902. Hesse did not attend the funeral (Tusken, iii).
After the release of his first novel, Hesse became a literary success. He married Maria Bernoulli in 1904 and moved to Gaienhofen where they had three children together (Tusken, iii).
Hesse continued to write novels, most of which do surprisingly well. After the birth of their third son, Hesse and Maria began to experience marital problems.
Due to his pacifist nature and Swiss citizenship, Hesse was accused of draft dodging at the beginning of World War I. To prove his loyalty to Germany, Hesse opened an office in Berne to assist the German Embassy. From this office, Hesse translated books for German prisoners of war. Constant criticism and overwork stressed Hesse and Maria. In 1916, Hesse returned to Germany for his father’s funeral.
In 1919, Hesse commits himself to an asylum and is treated by Dr. J. B. Lang, a disciple of C. G. Jung. The result of their sessions together is the novel Demian, published in 1919 under the pseudonym Emil Sinclair (Tuskin, iii).
In 1920, Hesse moved alone to Montagnola and began work on an Indian novel. After a few attempts and self-analysis, Siddhartha was published in 1922 in its entirety and became immediately successful.
From 1924 to 1927, Hesse is married to Ruth Wenger. During this time, Hesse realized he was an idealist and that life was nothing he thought it should be. He attempted to integrate his ideal and reality. As a result, Ruth divorced him shortly thereafter (Ziolkowski, 29).
Hesse married his third wife, Ninon Dolbin, a Viennese art historian in 1931. The two built a home in Montagnola where they spent the rest of their lives.
During the rise of the third Reich, Hesse sheltered and assisted German artist refugees. Many of Ninon’s Jewish friends and family disappeared and Hesse’s works were declared undesirable in Germany (Tusken, iii).
In the last twenty years of his life, Hesse received formal recognition for his contributions: the Goethe Prize and Nobel Prize for Literature in 1946, and the Nobel Peace Prize in 1955.
II. Hesse’s Literary Works
“All my works can be interpreted as a defense (sometimes also an anguished cry) of the individual.” Hermann Hesse
Due to the magnitude of Hesse’s collected works, it is virtually impossible to do a complete, in-depth analysis of each. Therefore, this essay will analyze three of Hesse’s major novels. Beneath the Wheel, Demian, and Siddhartha compliment each other well and best reflect Hesse’s autobiographical style of narration. The stories unfold to reveal cross-sections of Hesse’s life and eventually show how the literature reflects Hesse’s experience.
Within these works, there are three predominant themes that tie the works together chronologically. Intellectual sacrifice, duality, and unity, are married perfectly in each of the novels and are reflexive of Hesse’s ideals, ever present in his writing.
Most of Hesse’s protagonists are, like himself, misunderstood intellectuals who feel alienated from a world that they are expected to play a role in (Ziolkowski, 5). High expectations, social deprivation, and continuous self searching often lead to hostile depression, which can be perceived as the thesis of life. The protagonist generally goes through a period of restless searching only to find the answers were there all along, and that he must sort out the complications for himself.
The search leads the protagonist to a crossroads where he must struggle with every aspect of so-called reality: of good and evil; light and darkness; the antithesis of life. This duality is a primary theme in most of Hesse’s works (Freedman, 87). The protagonist is surrounded by characters representing possible futures and must ultimately decide which elements of this reality he chooses to assimilate into his own.
The conflict is resolved in an incredible way: instead of choosing only one, the protagonist assimilates characteristics of many aspects of life and total unity is the ultimate resolution. In fact, life becomes a synthesis of all.
A. Beneath the Wheel, Introduction to Metamorphosis
One of Hesse’s first novels, Beneath the Wheel has been described as “an indictment of the adult world” unleashed to ease the suffering inflicted upon Hesse in his youth (Mileck, 34). The story serves as the thesis of the selected novels in that it adequately explains the first part of the transformation: what Hesse was (Mileck, 34).
Distinctly autobiographical, Beneath the Wheel tells of Hesse’s early school years and experience at Maulbronn.
The protagonist, Hans Giebenrath is a literary projection of Hesse. He is studious and respectful, ever eager to learn. His name reflects the incredible amounts of personal tutoring Hesse endured as a child (loosely translated from high german, Gieben means to give, while Rat is to advise or council). Geibenrath is assigned Hesse’s same dormitory. He loves Latin, Homer and history just as much as his creator(Hesse, Autobiographical, 27). Geibenrath is the docile, pre-breakdown Hesse that the other boys know as a grind.
Hans Giebenrath also has a duality to his nature. While attending Maulbronn, he befriends a strange poet named Hermann Heilner. While Giebenrath is determined and obedient, Hermann Heilner is the rebellious, frustrated Hesse. Giebenrath is the Hesse who has the breakdown, who goes to work in the machine shop.
Geibenrath wishes he could possess a piece of his new friend. Heilner wrote his exam essay in verse, like Hesse. Heilner plays violin and writes poetry, doesn’t study, wanders through the woods. While Giebenrath is the Hesse who dies, the wholesome prodigy who commits suicide in hopes of achieving peace; Heilner (whose name is loosely translated as the healer) survives, assimilates, and becomes independent. This assimilation is key to understanding the strong connection between Hesse’s life and novels. “Giebenrath is what Hesse was, and Heilner is the person he had to become if he was to make anything of his life (Mileck,36).”
This absorption of character shows the duality of human nature, though still incomplete in his life and early works, Hesse’s transformation.
B. Demian, The Adolescence of Hesse’s Self Realization
Demian is the direct product of 72 analytical sessions with Jungian disciple J. B. Lang (Field, 43). After Hesse’s nervous breakdown, he sought assistance to ease his mind and the result was more than he’d expected.
For Hesse, Demian was the start of a whole new artistic form. Having acquired an interest in the concepts of good and evil, sparked by his monographs on Boccaccio and St. Francis of Assisi (Mileck, 55), Hesse began to question the validity of the archetypical sinner and saint beginning the development his own antithesis. Under the guidance of Dr. Lang, Hesse discovered dichotomy of the nature of good and evil and used themes of androgyny to test his conflicting emotions.
In the fall of 1917, Demian was born. Published as the autobiographical work of Emil Sinclair, the novel allowed Reality and Ideal to become blurred, putting the theme of duality to the test.
During his analysis, Hesse has become fascinated with theories of Jungian unconscious. He plays with the concept of ambiguity throughout the novel: man-child Demian; man-woman Eva; each character ageless, genderless; where everyone is part of the collective unconscious, pure Jungian philosophy (Field, 51).
Each of the character is a significant part of ideal Jungian unconscious, playing major roles in Hesse’s life and work. In the case of this novel, each character’s purpose can be extracted from the names Hesse chose.
Emil Sinclair, whose name is an Anglo French combination of the words “sin” (without) and “clair” (clarity), is a prodigal son whose mind is studded with uncertainties. Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair were the archetypically stern father and loving mother, the people Hesse saw as guides to the light world.
Sinclair’s antagonist, Kramer (loosely translated as Krum: rubbish, filth) uses a small lie against him and as a result, Sinclair is cast forever from the world of his family. Eventually, he slips into depression, just as Hesse did after leaving the world of his devoutly Protestant family (Mileck, 91).
Demian is a Socratic daemon, an interpretation of one of Hesse’s childhood hallucinations, “the little man” constantly urging him on (Hesse, Autobiographical, 12). He is also Sinclair’s savior, an ironic Christ figure and reflection of Hesse’s ideal self. Demian speaks of Cain, the marked man of the bible, as a revered hero. To Sinclair, this interpretation of his parents’ religion is frightening, but, like Hesse, he ventures forth to test the theories of homogeny.
Sinclair also encounters a less intense teacher. Pistorius is actually a literary interpretation of Dr. Lang. Many of the talks between Sinclair and Pistorius were taken from sessions (Mileck, 91).
Both Demian and Pistorius guide Sinclair toward the myth of Abraxas. Abraxas represents rebirth through self-destruction, moral androgyny. After Sinclair accepts this idea, worlds open to him like never before.
Where Sinclair was once the follower of Pistorius, so now has the young scholar Knauer (similar to the German Knäuel: tangle, gnarl) come to learn from him. Sinclair then realizes, in order to help or be helped, one must be attuned to his inner self (Field, 51).
Demian’s mother, Frau Eva, is the personification of Jungian “anima,” the soul, ideal life, fullness. She becomes to Sinclair the mother of all things (like Eve in Genesis, also the mother of Cain).
As the novel goes on, Sinclair absorbs traits from each of the characters, becoming closer to the ideal, closer to Demian. As each character is assimilated, they disappear from the story. They have served their purpose and are no longer needed. Though Sinclair, like Hesse, was closer to embracing duality, he was not quite ready for it. Sinclair knows self-discovery is possible, that one need only push the limits.
The idea has been raised and nurtured, but not yet fully developed. Thesis, or instinct; and antithesis (Kulturzustand, or disharmony between obligation and desire) have been created, and Hesse is closer to discovering the key to absolute unity, das Ideal, where everything is consciously balanced (Field, 48).
C. Siddhartha, Concluding the Journey
Siddhartha is the synthesis of Hesse’s lifelong struggle for self realization. The story was inspired by a dream character, one who hauntingly whispered to Hesse that pain and suffering are illusions created by the individual (Morris, 25).
The mood Hesse set was one of Indian mysticism. Traditional Hindu, Brahmin and Buddhist ideas help to convey the plight of Hesse’s confusion (Mileck, 162). Siddhartha is a man searching vainly for the things that have been with him all along.
Siddhartha and Demian have much in common. Both are symmetrical Bildungsroman (educational novels), showing experience of daily nature in the style of Altersstil, the symbolic, reduced irony of Germans in their later years (Ziolkowski,45). Demian and Siddhartha also show in the 3rd sections that the thesis and antithesis have synthesized in a perfect union (Ziolkowski,30).
Broken into three sections, Siddhartha is a novel that caters to the entire being, mentally, physically, and spiritually. The first four chapters are dedicated to the mind. On one side of the river, Siddhartha realizes he is dissatisfied with his father’s way of life, just as Hesse felt. He leaves the land of his father with Govinda, a childhood friend, to become a wandering ascetic. After hearing that the Enlightened one is near, the two cross the river in the boat of a ferryman.
Crossing the river signifies a new beginning and so the next four chapters are dedicated to the body. Siddhartha admired the Buddha, but sees that he too, must find his own way to enlightenment. He casts off the life of ascetic and becomes a man of the world. Like Hesse, Siddhartha slips deeply into worldly materialism and becomes hopeless. He runs away from this life, hoping to leave it behind.
As for the final four chapters of the great Indian novel, Hesse had trouble writing them. He stopped writing before Siddhartha was enlightened because he had not been enlightened himself. The story modeled his experiences, drawn from life and inspired by the trips to India and his family ties (Ziolkowski, 27). In order to finish, he needed to change his perspective. Although the novel was beautiful, as a story it was flawed: Deus ex Machina was overused and secondhand information created gaps in the flow (Ziolkowski, 27).
After self-examination, meditation and another look at Buddhism, Hesse found himself and came to a better understanding of humanity and life. As a result, Hesse was able to complete the book (Mileck, 163). The last four chapters at the river’s edge, Hesse dedicated to the soul (Mileck, 163). Siddhartha assimilates traits of his friends Vasudeva, Govinda, Buddha, and Kamala, as they are life’s possibilities. After the assimilation, each one vanishes (Mileck, 170). Siddhartha, “he who has achieved his goal” (Morris, 28), is at peace. Hesse’s life and work become perfectly synthesized, and he is finally self realized.
III. Conclusion
“There is a constant delicate interaction between Hesse’s life and his writings; the abstractions have no inherent validity, but only the significance that they receive from Hesse’s own experience. His scope as a writer was narrow because he was constantly obsessed with his own personality.” -Ziolkowski
Biographers have noted that Hermann Hesse never wrote beyond experience (Mileck, 96). He didn’t have to. Hesse’s growth as a writer paralleled the development of 20th century literature from aestheticism to engagement (Ziolkowski, 45), challenging his readers to reflect on their own lives and take action.
Hesse realized that everything could be resolved internally through meditation and self-examination. His books were personal tools, chronicles of his life written down for later re-evaluation (Mileck, 159).
Though Hesse may be the “heir of chronic dualism (Ziolkowski, 3)” he was able to recount his life with style, making universal themes ring with timeless beauty. These novels, along with the rest of Hesse’s work, are a window into the mind, body, and soul of a talented man.
After careful analysis of several of Hesse’s major works and numerous secondary sources, it is safe to assume that he drew mainly from experience. This thesis will utilize three of Hesse’s major works, his autobiography and several major biographies to prove that Hesse did, indeed, write from experience. Many of the conclusions drawn are the author’s own, which are fully supported by the aforementioned text.
Many of Hesse’s works are borderline autobiographical, touching on spirituality, frustration, and self-discovery drawn almost exclusively from significant periods of his own life (Field, 13). These experiences, along with an admirable dedication to the pursuit of knowledge and a substantial familiarity with the works of literary giants, were the main influences on Hermann Hesse and his contributions to the literary world.
I. Hesse’s Life
“There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life. They take the images outside them for reality and never allow the world within to exert itself.” -Hermann Hesse
If a man wants to thoroughly understand Hesse’s writings, he must first take a look at his life. Because the two are so closely connected, having knowledge of Hesse’s upbringing would make the messages he conveys more concrete.
Hesse was born July 2, 1887 in Calw, Germany to a former protestant missionary of India and daughter of an Indian missionary (Tusken, i). As was the custom, Hesse attended school in preparation for the statewide examination. At the age of 14, Hermann passed with little trouble and was accepted to Maulbronn University, a state funded school of the highest caliber (Field, 16). Although he was very bright, formal education depressed Hermann. After only seven months, he had a nervous breakdown and ran away to commit suicide. Fortunately, he reevaluated his choice and returned unharmed (Ziolkowski, 6).
Troubles continued at school, and Hesse’s father eventually let him drop out. He returned to Calw and took up an apprenticeship at a clock factory from 1894 to 1895 (Ziolkowski,6). As an apprentice, Hesse gained perspective on the mentality of small-town workers and their hardships.
Because he was no longer a student, Hesse had time to read what he saw fit, and as a result, headed directly for his grandfather’s vast library. Here, he was reintroduced to the world literature of his childhood, rich with world myths and legends. Hesse also took advantage of his father’s library, full of German literature from Goethe to Novalis (Hesse, Autobiographical, 5).
In 1895, Hesse took an apprenticeship at Hackenhauer’s bookstore in Tubingen. For the next three years, he would study literature, history, art history, and philosophy independently. It was at this time Hesse began his true writing career, meeting regularly with a circle of fellow writers known as the petite cenacle (Tusken, iii).
In 1899, Hesse published two works; a collection of poetry and a series of prose sketches (which his mother detested). In the same, year, Hesse moved to Basel, Switzerland and was employed at a bookstore. His mother died in 1902. Hesse did not attend the funeral (Tusken, iii).
After the release of his first novel, Hesse became a literary success. He married Maria Bernoulli in 1904 and moved to Gaienhofen where they had three children together (Tusken, iii).
Hesse continued to write novels, most of which do surprisingly well. After the birth of their third son, Hesse and Maria began to experience marital problems.
Due to his pacifist nature and Swiss citizenship, Hesse was accused of draft dodging at the beginning of World War I. To prove his loyalty to Germany, Hesse opened an office in Berne to assist the German Embassy. From this office, Hesse translated books for German prisoners of war. Constant criticism and overwork stressed Hesse and Maria. In 1916, Hesse returned to Germany for his father’s funeral.
In 1919, Hesse commits himself to an asylum and is treated by Dr. J. B. Lang, a disciple of C. G. Jung. The result of their sessions together is the novel Demian, published in 1919 under the pseudonym Emil Sinclair (Tuskin, iii).
In 1920, Hesse moved alone to Montagnola and began work on an Indian novel. After a few attempts and self-analysis, Siddhartha was published in 1922 in its entirety and became immediately successful.
From 1924 to 1927, Hesse is married to Ruth Wenger. During this time, Hesse realized he was an idealist and that life was nothing he thought it should be. He attempted to integrate his ideal and reality. As a result, Ruth divorced him shortly thereafter (Ziolkowski, 29).
Hesse married his third wife, Ninon Dolbin, a Viennese art historian in 1931. The two built a home in Montagnola where they spent the rest of their lives.
During the rise of the third Reich, Hesse sheltered and assisted German artist refugees. Many of Ninon’s Jewish friends and family disappeared and Hesse’s works were declared undesirable in Germany (Tusken, iii).
In the last twenty years of his life, Hesse received formal recognition for his contributions: the Goethe Prize and Nobel Prize for Literature in 1946, and the Nobel Peace Prize in 1955.
II. Hesse’s Literary Works
“All my works can be interpreted as a defense (sometimes also an anguished cry) of the individual.” Hermann Hesse
Due to the magnitude of Hesse’s collected works, it is virtually impossible to do a complete, in-depth analysis of each. Therefore, this essay will analyze three of Hesse’s major novels. Beneath the Wheel, Demian, and Siddhartha compliment each other well and best reflect Hesse’s autobiographical style of narration. The stories unfold to reveal cross-sections of Hesse’s life and eventually show how the literature reflects Hesse’s experience.
Within these works, there are three predominant themes that tie the works together chronologically. Intellectual sacrifice, duality, and unity, are married perfectly in each of the novels and are reflexive of Hesse’s ideals, ever present in his writing.
Most of Hesse’s protagonists are, like himself, misunderstood intellectuals who feel alienated from a world that they are expected to play a role in (Ziolkowski, 5). High expectations, social deprivation, and continuous self searching often lead to hostile depression, which can be perceived as the thesis of life. The protagonist generally goes through a period of restless searching only to find the answers were there all along, and that he must sort out the complications for himself.
The search leads the protagonist to a crossroads where he must struggle with every aspect of so-called reality: of good and evil; light and darkness; the antithesis of life. This duality is a primary theme in most of Hesse’s works (Freedman, 87). The protagonist is surrounded by characters representing possible futures and must ultimately decide which elements of this reality he chooses to assimilate into his own.
The conflict is resolved in an incredible way: instead of choosing only one, the protagonist assimilates characteristics of many aspects of life and total unity is the ultimate resolution. In fact, life becomes a synthesis of all.
A. Beneath the Wheel, Introduction to Metamorphosis
One of Hesse’s first novels, Beneath the Wheel has been described as “an indictment of the adult world” unleashed to ease the suffering inflicted upon Hesse in his youth (Mileck, 34). The story serves as the thesis of the selected novels in that it adequately explains the first part of the transformation: what Hesse was (Mileck, 34).
Distinctly autobiographical, Beneath the Wheel tells of Hesse’s early school years and experience at Maulbronn.
The protagonist, Hans Giebenrath is a literary projection of Hesse. He is studious and respectful, ever eager to learn. His name reflects the incredible amounts of personal tutoring Hesse endured as a child (loosely translated from high german, Gieben means to give, while Rat is to advise or council). Geibenrath is assigned Hesse’s same dormitory. He loves Latin, Homer and history just as much as his creator(Hesse, Autobiographical, 27). Geibenrath is the docile, pre-breakdown Hesse that the other boys know as a grind.
Hans Giebenrath also has a duality to his nature. While attending Maulbronn, he befriends a strange poet named Hermann Heilner. While Giebenrath is determined and obedient, Hermann Heilner is the rebellious, frustrated Hesse. Giebenrath is the Hesse who has the breakdown, who goes to work in the machine shop.
Geibenrath wishes he could possess a piece of his new friend. Heilner wrote his exam essay in verse, like Hesse. Heilner plays violin and writes poetry, doesn’t study, wanders through the woods. While Giebenrath is the Hesse who dies, the wholesome prodigy who commits suicide in hopes of achieving peace; Heilner (whose name is loosely translated as the healer) survives, assimilates, and becomes independent. This assimilation is key to understanding the strong connection between Hesse’s life and novels. “Giebenrath is what Hesse was, and Heilner is the person he had to become if he was to make anything of his life (Mileck,36).”
This absorption of character shows the duality of human nature, though still incomplete in his life and early works, Hesse’s transformation.
B. Demian, The Adolescence of Hesse’s Self Realization
Demian is the direct product of 72 analytical sessions with Jungian disciple J. B. Lang (Field, 43). After Hesse’s nervous breakdown, he sought assistance to ease his mind and the result was more than he’d expected.
For Hesse, Demian was the start of a whole new artistic form. Having acquired an interest in the concepts of good and evil, sparked by his monographs on Boccaccio and St. Francis of Assisi (Mileck, 55), Hesse began to question the validity of the archetypical sinner and saint beginning the development his own antithesis. Under the guidance of Dr. Lang, Hesse discovered dichotomy of the nature of good and evil and used themes of androgyny to test his conflicting emotions.
In the fall of 1917, Demian was born. Published as the autobiographical work of Emil Sinclair, the novel allowed Reality and Ideal to become blurred, putting the theme of duality to the test.
During his analysis, Hesse has become fascinated with theories of Jungian unconscious. He plays with the concept of ambiguity throughout the novel: man-child Demian; man-woman Eva; each character ageless, genderless; where everyone is part of the collective unconscious, pure Jungian philosophy (Field, 51).
Each of the character is a significant part of ideal Jungian unconscious, playing major roles in Hesse’s life and work. In the case of this novel, each character’s purpose can be extracted from the names Hesse chose.
Emil Sinclair, whose name is an Anglo French combination of the words “sin” (without) and “clair” (clarity), is a prodigal son whose mind is studded with uncertainties. Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair were the archetypically stern father and loving mother, the people Hesse saw as guides to the light world.
Sinclair’s antagonist, Kramer (loosely translated as Krum: rubbish, filth) uses a small lie against him and as a result, Sinclair is cast forever from the world of his family. Eventually, he slips into depression, just as Hesse did after leaving the world of his devoutly Protestant family (Mileck, 91).
Demian is a Socratic daemon, an interpretation of one of Hesse’s childhood hallucinations, “the little man” constantly urging him on (Hesse, Autobiographical, 12). He is also Sinclair’s savior, an ironic Christ figure and reflection of Hesse’s ideal self. Demian speaks of Cain, the marked man of the bible, as a revered hero. To Sinclair, this interpretation of his parents’ religion is frightening, but, like Hesse, he ventures forth to test the theories of homogeny.
Sinclair also encounters a less intense teacher. Pistorius is actually a literary interpretation of Dr. Lang. Many of the talks between Sinclair and Pistorius were taken from sessions (Mileck, 91).
Both Demian and Pistorius guide Sinclair toward the myth of Abraxas. Abraxas represents rebirth through self-destruction, moral androgyny. After Sinclair accepts this idea, worlds open to him like never before.
Where Sinclair was once the follower of Pistorius, so now has the young scholar Knauer (similar to the German Knäuel: tangle, gnarl) come to learn from him. Sinclair then realizes, in order to help or be helped, one must be attuned to his inner self (Field, 51).
Demian’s mother, Frau Eva, is the personification of Jungian “anima,” the soul, ideal life, fullness. She becomes to Sinclair the mother of all things (like Eve in Genesis, also the mother of Cain).
As the novel goes on, Sinclair absorbs traits from each of the characters, becoming closer to the ideal, closer to Demian. As each character is assimilated, they disappear from the story. They have served their purpose and are no longer needed. Though Sinclair, like Hesse, was closer to embracing duality, he was not quite ready for it. Sinclair knows self-discovery is possible, that one need only push the limits.
The idea has been raised and nurtured, but not yet fully developed. Thesis, or instinct; and antithesis (Kulturzustand, or disharmony between obligation and desire) have been created, and Hesse is closer to discovering the key to absolute unity, das Ideal, where everything is consciously balanced (Field, 48).
C. Siddhartha, Concluding the Journey
Siddhartha is the synthesis of Hesse’s lifelong struggle for self realization. The story was inspired by a dream character, one who hauntingly whispered to Hesse that pain and suffering are illusions created by the individual (Morris, 25).
The mood Hesse set was one of Indian mysticism. Traditional Hindu, Brahmin and Buddhist ideas help to convey the plight of Hesse’s confusion (Mileck, 162). Siddhartha is a man searching vainly for the things that have been with him all along.
Siddhartha and Demian have much in common. Both are symmetrical Bildungsroman (educational novels), showing experience of daily nature in the style of Altersstil, the symbolic, reduced irony of Germans in their later years (Ziolkowski,45). Demian and Siddhartha also show in the 3rd sections that the thesis and antithesis have synthesized in a perfect union (Ziolkowski,30).
Broken into three sections, Siddhartha is a novel that caters to the entire being, mentally, physically, and spiritually. The first four chapters are dedicated to the mind. On one side of the river, Siddhartha realizes he is dissatisfied with his father’s way of life, just as Hesse felt. He leaves the land of his father with Govinda, a childhood friend, to become a wandering ascetic. After hearing that the Enlightened one is near, the two cross the river in the boat of a ferryman.
Crossing the river signifies a new beginning and so the next four chapters are dedicated to the body. Siddhartha admired the Buddha, but sees that he too, must find his own way to enlightenment. He casts off the life of ascetic and becomes a man of the world. Like Hesse, Siddhartha slips deeply into worldly materialism and becomes hopeless. He runs away from this life, hoping to leave it behind.
As for the final four chapters of the great Indian novel, Hesse had trouble writing them. He stopped writing before Siddhartha was enlightened because he had not been enlightened himself. The story modeled his experiences, drawn from life and inspired by the trips to India and his family ties (Ziolkowski, 27). In order to finish, he needed to change his perspective. Although the novel was beautiful, as a story it was flawed: Deus ex Machina was overused and secondhand information created gaps in the flow (Ziolkowski, 27).
After self-examination, meditation and another look at Buddhism, Hesse found himself and came to a better understanding of humanity and life. As a result, Hesse was able to complete the book (Mileck, 163). The last four chapters at the river’s edge, Hesse dedicated to the soul (Mileck, 163). Siddhartha assimilates traits of his friends Vasudeva, Govinda, Buddha, and Kamala, as they are life’s possibilities. After the assimilation, each one vanishes (Mileck, 170). Siddhartha, “he who has achieved his goal” (Morris, 28), is at peace. Hesse’s life and work become perfectly synthesized, and he is finally self realized.
III. Conclusion
“There is a constant delicate interaction between Hesse’s life and his writings; the abstractions have no inherent validity, but only the significance that they receive from Hesse’s own experience. His scope as a writer was narrow because he was constantly obsessed with his own personality.” -Ziolkowski
Biographers have noted that Hermann Hesse never wrote beyond experience (Mileck, 96). He didn’t have to. Hesse’s growth as a writer paralleled the development of 20th century literature from aestheticism to engagement (Ziolkowski, 45), challenging his readers to reflect on their own lives and take action.
Hesse realized that everything could be resolved internally through meditation and self-examination. His books were personal tools, chronicles of his life written down for later re-evaluation (Mileck, 159).
Though Hesse may be the “heir of chronic dualism (Ziolkowski, 3)” he was able to recount his life with style, making universal themes ring with timeless beauty. These novels, along with the rest of Hesse’s work, are a window into the mind, body, and soul of a talented man.
Saturday
this was what should have been
[at least in my dreams, when i'm sleeping it seems that the needle is full endlessly...]
for the first time in a long time, my equilibrium has been balanced. things are sweet and calm and even lovely. letters, phonecalls, and sentimental assurances are overcomingly beautiful. thus far, they've been enough to carry me through.
i found you, pedro the lion... you make me cry sometimes. why all the crying? maybe i just need some time to look at everything through wet rings. [here comes the good song... number 6, the instrumental. you know which one i mean.]
often, i find myself wishing that the moment really could just last forever in order that something unpure never be able to dismantle the way i feel. i feel that way about a lot of things. i'd like to be suspended in the feeling of being held in your arms, or in the trail of a passer-by's cologne and handsome smile. i always loved that.
for the first time in a long time, my equilibrium has been balanced. things are sweet and calm and even lovely. letters, phonecalls, and sentimental assurances are overcomingly beautiful. thus far, they've been enough to carry me through.
i found you, pedro the lion... you make me cry sometimes. why all the crying? maybe i just need some time to look at everything through wet rings. [here comes the good song... number 6, the instrumental. you know which one i mean.]
often, i find myself wishing that the moment really could just last forever in order that something unpure never be able to dismantle the way i feel. i feel that way about a lot of things. i'd like to be suspended in the feeling of being held in your arms, or in the trail of a passer-by's cologne and handsome smile. i always loved that.
Wednesday
why little girls cry
i hate it when you write something beautiful, and then your fucking computer crashes.
how sad it is to realize how much you have forgotten that you once knew...
but nobody wants to live forever; no one could. and so it is thus decided.
no one will live forever because there isn't any reason to.
who needs those reasons anyhow?
fuck it, i'll live.
how sad it is to realize how much you have forgotten that you once knew...
but nobody wants to live forever; no one could. and so it is thus decided.
no one will live forever because there isn't any reason to.
who needs those reasons anyhow?
fuck it, i'll live.
Thursday
Saturday
Sunday
Senator Russell Feingold
517 E. Wisconsin Ave, Room 408
Milwaukee, WI 53202-4504
Dear Senator Feingold:
I would like to applaud you for your recent activity regarding legislature on the death penalty. I am pleased that a senator of my state would take action regarding such a noble cause. I think the death penalty is a barbaric practice that has no place in a democratic nation like ours.
However, after reading the letters you’ve written to President Clinton, I would like to offer up a few suggestions. Rather than alter the process, I would like to see total abolition of the practice, as it is a cruel (and often times, unfair) punishment. Governmentally sanctioned killing should be unconstitutional. An inmate on death row is fully aware of his or her fate. It is inevitable that they are going to die by the hands of the law. Wouldn’t that impose unfathomable mental anguish upon an individual? What about the 8th amendment? Is the death penalty not cruel and unusual punishment?
Not only is cruel, the death penalty is ineffective and unjust. Take for example Juan Raul Garza of Brownsville, Texas. Garza was the first person ever to be execution under the federal Anti-Drug Abuse Act since the law’s introduction in 1988. Garza was tried and convicted for several murders that occurred in a marijuana-smuggling ring in Mexico. Though he should have been punished somehow, Garza’s trial was unjust. He was tried in the U.S for crimes committed on foreign soil and more importantly by a misinformed jury. The jury was under the impression that Garza would be free after a minimal period if he was not sentenced to death; they were not aware that there was possibility for a life sentence without parole. Garza was executed on June 19th, 2001, on the same table as Timothy McVeigh. whose was the first federal execution since the reintroduction of the death penalty.
Something needs to be done. America is known for it’s merciless death sentences, being one of few nations to permit execution of mentally ill and retarded people. Also, we are one of 6 countries in the entire world to execute child offenders. Since 1997 there have been 10 known executions of child offenders worldwide, 8 of which occurred in the U.S. There are also major inequalities regarding the death penalty including racial (most inmates are minorities), social (lower-class who are appointed attorneys), and geographical (more executions occur in the south than anywhere else) issues that prove the punishment is not fair.
This cruel practice needs to stop. The death penalty is not something that can be revised into a more effectual policy. It is ineffectual, cruel and unjust. Although I appreciate your efforts, I must plead that you help do away with this archaic display. People’s lives are at stake. Appeal to the nation and do your part to help put an end to this cruel practice.
If you find the time, I would be interested to hear from you. Once again, I greatly appreciate your efforts toward this noble cause and would like to thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Rosy Ricks
517 E. Wisconsin Ave, Room 408
Milwaukee, WI 53202-4504
Dear Senator Feingold:
I would like to applaud you for your recent activity regarding legislature on the death penalty. I am pleased that a senator of my state would take action regarding such a noble cause. I think the death penalty is a barbaric practice that has no place in a democratic nation like ours.
However, after reading the letters you’ve written to President Clinton, I would like to offer up a few suggestions. Rather than alter the process, I would like to see total abolition of the practice, as it is a cruel (and often times, unfair) punishment. Governmentally sanctioned killing should be unconstitutional. An inmate on death row is fully aware of his or her fate. It is inevitable that they are going to die by the hands of the law. Wouldn’t that impose unfathomable mental anguish upon an individual? What about the 8th amendment? Is the death penalty not cruel and unusual punishment?
Not only is cruel, the death penalty is ineffective and unjust. Take for example Juan Raul Garza of Brownsville, Texas. Garza was the first person ever to be execution under the federal Anti-Drug Abuse Act since the law’s introduction in 1988. Garza was tried and convicted for several murders that occurred in a marijuana-smuggling ring in Mexico. Though he should have been punished somehow, Garza’s trial was unjust. He was tried in the U.S for crimes committed on foreign soil and more importantly by a misinformed jury. The jury was under the impression that Garza would be free after a minimal period if he was not sentenced to death; they were not aware that there was possibility for a life sentence without parole. Garza was executed on June 19th, 2001, on the same table as Timothy McVeigh. whose was the first federal execution since the reintroduction of the death penalty.
Something needs to be done. America is known for it’s merciless death sentences, being one of few nations to permit execution of mentally ill and retarded people. Also, we are one of 6 countries in the entire world to execute child offenders. Since 1997 there have been 10 known executions of child offenders worldwide, 8 of which occurred in the U.S. There are also major inequalities regarding the death penalty including racial (most inmates are minorities), social (lower-class who are appointed attorneys), and geographical (more executions occur in the south than anywhere else) issues that prove the punishment is not fair.
This cruel practice needs to stop. The death penalty is not something that can be revised into a more effectual policy. It is ineffectual, cruel and unjust. Although I appreciate your efforts, I must plead that you help do away with this archaic display. People’s lives are at stake. Appeal to the nation and do your part to help put an end to this cruel practice.
If you find the time, I would be interested to hear from you. Once again, I greatly appreciate your efforts toward this noble cause and would like to thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Rosy Ricks
Wednesday
Saturday
i haven't said anything worth remembering in a long time.
then again, what do we have to remember anything for
when we could just make every moment equally good and thus, unmemorable?
not in such a negative way.
this morning i broke down. and i fell a thousand miles.
i realized that no matter what i do, i won't ever be good enough for some people.
or most people.
i'd like to thank you for everything you've never done for me.
JudasAsBlackMoth: christ i need some coffee
pinkgirlrock: i need some puppies
JudasAsBlackMoth: we got a kitty
JudasAsBlackMoth: one day youll meet the right man
pinkgirlrock: i did, but he's a republican
JudasAsBlackMoth: they make the best puppies
then again, what do we have to remember anything for
when we could just make every moment equally good and thus, unmemorable?
not in such a negative way.
this morning i broke down. and i fell a thousand miles.
i realized that no matter what i do, i won't ever be good enough for some people.
or most people.
i'd like to thank you for everything you've never done for me.
JudasAsBlackMoth: christ i need some coffee
pinkgirlrock: i need some puppies
JudasAsBlackMoth: we got a kitty
JudasAsBlackMoth: one day youll meet the right man
pinkgirlrock: i did, but he's a republican
JudasAsBlackMoth: they make the best puppies
Thursday
Sunday
Thursday
hell yeah.
so now i'm seventeen. do i get a prize?
sigh. i am sure that you'll get around to looking, so here it is: i'm tired. don't you get tired? i just never know what to expect... am i first, am i last, am i even on the list? no idea.
it's nothing personal (ok, so maybe it's personal) but it isn't intended to alienate. we just need to come to conclusions. i know how i feel, but i'm not sure whether this is convenience. i'm not a television to be turned off and on at will. this, dear girl, is more than that...
there are so many things going on that i just can't fuck around with those that can be avoided. i know you don't want to hear my problems, so by all means don't. walk away. stare expressionlessly. do not, however make the mistake of saying something you don't mean (or at least gives the illusion) because the words i've been picking are thought out. just because i don't say anything doesn't mean i don't feel anything.
what can i say? happy birthday to you, too.
oh god this internet romance is killing me.
so now i'm seventeen. do i get a prize?
sigh. i am sure that you'll get around to looking, so here it is: i'm tired. don't you get tired? i just never know what to expect... am i first, am i last, am i even on the list? no idea.
it's nothing personal (ok, so maybe it's personal) but it isn't intended to alienate. we just need to come to conclusions. i know how i feel, but i'm not sure whether this is convenience. i'm not a television to be turned off and on at will. this, dear girl, is more than that...
there are so many things going on that i just can't fuck around with those that can be avoided. i know you don't want to hear my problems, so by all means don't. walk away. stare expressionlessly. do not, however make the mistake of saying something you don't mean (or at least gives the illusion) because the words i've been picking are thought out. just because i don't say anything doesn't mean i don't feel anything.
what can i say? happy birthday to you, too.
oh god this internet romance is killing me.
Sunday
Is It Wicked Not To Care
Is it wicked not to care when they say that you're mistaken
Thinking hopes and lots of dreams that aren't there?
Is it wicked not to care when you've wasted many hours
Talking endlessly to anyone that's there?
I know the truth awaits me
But still I hesitate because of fear
Skipping tickets making rhymes
Is that all that you believe in?
Wearing rags to make you pretty by design
Rusting armour for effect
It's not fun to watch the rust grow
For it will all be over when you're dead
Counting acts and clutching thoughts
By the river where the moss grows
Over rocks the water running all the time
Is it wicked when you smile Even though you feel like crying
Even though you could be sick at any time?
But if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
If there was a sequel Would you love me like an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
And if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
Or is there someone else instead?
Is it wicked not to care when they say that you're mistaken
Thinking hopes and lots of dreams that aren't there?
Is it wicked not to care when you've wasted many hours
Talking endlessly to anyone that's there?
I know the truth awaits me
But still I hesitate because of fear
Skipping tickets making rhymes
Is that all that you believe in?
Wearing rags to make you pretty by design
Rusting armour for effect
It's not fun to watch the rust grow
For it will all be over when you're dead
Counting acts and clutching thoughts
By the river where the moss grows
Over rocks the water running all the time
Is it wicked when you smile Even though you feel like crying
Even though you could be sick at any time?
But if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
If there was a sequel Would you love me like an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
And if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead
Or is there someone else instead?
Tuesday
| This is how a fucking gangsta rolls.. by starlitelily | |
|---|---|
| gangsta name | |
| gangsta job | dealer |
| your fucking problem | wanted felon |
| # of times you ran from the cops | 100 |
| your saying | fuck that bitch |
Created with  quill18's MemeGen! | |
well, i always knew that i was a fuckin gansta. it was all a matter of convincing the rest of y'all. shit.
Monday
Sunday
hook, line and sink her
soulmate wanted:
must be able to speak a language other than english;
wear linen shirts and khakis;
have olive skin and make me laugh.
serious inquiries only."
but i hog the covers and your time, i'm sorry baby, i'm just that way.
i can't help it if i love you. is it really so bad?
sure enough, you've forgotten the magic words.
soulmate wanted:
must be able to speak a language other than english;
wear linen shirts and khakis;
have olive skin and make me laugh.
serious inquiries only."
but i hog the covers and your time, i'm sorry baby, i'm just that way.
i can't help it if i love you. is it really so bad?
sure enough, you've forgotten the magic words.
this is a paper i wrote in hopes of winning a scholarship for college. i'd really like it if you took the time to read it.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Affirmative Action as an Opportunity
By: Rosy Ricks
Do I think Affirmative Action is important for minorities? That’s a tough question for anyone, but it really hits close to home for me. I have a unique perspective on this topic. As a biracial member of American society, I can see why there are such extreme differences in opinion on the social assistance programs available solely to racial minorities. I understand that in some cases it seems unjust, however many non-minorities may never know just how important these services have been to so many citizens. Affirmative Action has been a real cornerstone in the advancement of the civil rights of underprivileged minority groups. It has offered opportunities in self-advancement, be those opportunities mental, intellectual or social. Affirmative Action is about helping the grossly under-represented members of society cross that dividing line of hopelessness and poverty and crossing into the land of endless possibility.
Living in such a modern world, one would hope that social equalizers would be a thing of the past. These programs, however, are needed more so now than ever before. As the population of the United States of America rises, a large percentage of its minority citizens remain undereducated and unprivileged. This is due largely to the fact that many minorities lack the skills, opportunities and confidence necessary to become prominent members of society. Social equalizers such as Affirmative Action offer these minorities a better chance at achieving success by leveling the playing field and offering new experiences, which in turn lead to confidence and knowledge. As the individual is bettered, every aspect of life may be remade to strike a more harmonious balance to every living being, regardless of race.
Affirmative Action levels the social playing field. If a minority wishes to master a skill or trade, he may apply for financial aid through a local minority-oriented agency, such as the Urban League or the N.A.A.C.P. These grants, scholarships and loans offer minorities opportunity experiences in every imaginable field. After the door has been opened, success is much easier to come by. Surly there are some out there who are abusing these resources, but many applying for this type of assistance have a genuine desire to become better people. Without such chances, many goals might remain unattainable and leave people hopeless. Hopelessness is not the way to a brighter future for minorities or anyone else. Affirmative Action is an attempt to give everyone a fair chance at the good life we all dream about.
Social assistance is not intended to be a welfare source, and it is by no means such a thing. Affirmative Action is a compass to a better standard of living. Instead of giving a handout, the idea behind Affirmative Action is to prepare minorities mentally, intellectually and socially. There’s an old proverb that summarizes the concept fairly well: give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. With new opportunities come new life experiences. Teaching this man to fish is giving him an opportunity to better his life. If he comes away from that experience more knowledgeable than when he first arrived, then that attempt was successful. The man is changed. He is bettering himself and the lives of those around him. Being presented with the ability to better the self is a sure way to enrich a life.
Lives are not changed by these endeavors alone. Confidence and self-worth are both key values needed to become a well-functioning member of society. By introducing the necessary tools, Affirmative Action gives minorities a chance to build confidence in themselves and their actions, thereby becoming a better person. When one feels he has become a better person, it encourages a sense of self worth. This newfound self worth can change a person’s life for the better. These feelings of self worth are major assets. Self-assurance is a key that opens many doors to success. A person who has eclipsed any negative internal sentiments has a far greater chance of further improvement. This self-improvement will eventually extend outward. The more people feel that they can count themselves as members of society, the better society will become for everyone.
The opportunity to better the self mentally, socially, and intellectually should be given to any person who wish to do so. All in all, I believe that Affirmative Action and other similar programs are doing a world of wonder. Any program that can change person’s life in such a positive way should be held in the highest regard. Opening doors that have been long slammed in the faces of minorities is an amazing achievement. Although it may still have a few kinks to be worked out, Affirmative Action offers minorities so many wonderful opportunities which otherwise may not have been available.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Affirmative Action as an Opportunity
By: Rosy Ricks
Do I think Affirmative Action is important for minorities? That’s a tough question for anyone, but it really hits close to home for me. I have a unique perspective on this topic. As a biracial member of American society, I can see why there are such extreme differences in opinion on the social assistance programs available solely to racial minorities. I understand that in some cases it seems unjust, however many non-minorities may never know just how important these services have been to so many citizens. Affirmative Action has been a real cornerstone in the advancement of the civil rights of underprivileged minority groups. It has offered opportunities in self-advancement, be those opportunities mental, intellectual or social. Affirmative Action is about helping the grossly under-represented members of society cross that dividing line of hopelessness and poverty and crossing into the land of endless possibility.
Living in such a modern world, one would hope that social equalizers would be a thing of the past. These programs, however, are needed more so now than ever before. As the population of the United States of America rises, a large percentage of its minority citizens remain undereducated and unprivileged. This is due largely to the fact that many minorities lack the skills, opportunities and confidence necessary to become prominent members of society. Social equalizers such as Affirmative Action offer these minorities a better chance at achieving success by leveling the playing field and offering new experiences, which in turn lead to confidence and knowledge. As the individual is bettered, every aspect of life may be remade to strike a more harmonious balance to every living being, regardless of race.
Affirmative Action levels the social playing field. If a minority wishes to master a skill or trade, he may apply for financial aid through a local minority-oriented agency, such as the Urban League or the N.A.A.C.P. These grants, scholarships and loans offer minorities opportunity experiences in every imaginable field. After the door has been opened, success is much easier to come by. Surly there are some out there who are abusing these resources, but many applying for this type of assistance have a genuine desire to become better people. Without such chances, many goals might remain unattainable and leave people hopeless. Hopelessness is not the way to a brighter future for minorities or anyone else. Affirmative Action is an attempt to give everyone a fair chance at the good life we all dream about.
Social assistance is not intended to be a welfare source, and it is by no means such a thing. Affirmative Action is a compass to a better standard of living. Instead of giving a handout, the idea behind Affirmative Action is to prepare minorities mentally, intellectually and socially. There’s an old proverb that summarizes the concept fairly well: give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. With new opportunities come new life experiences. Teaching this man to fish is giving him an opportunity to better his life. If he comes away from that experience more knowledgeable than when he first arrived, then that attempt was successful. The man is changed. He is bettering himself and the lives of those around him. Being presented with the ability to better the self is a sure way to enrich a life.
Lives are not changed by these endeavors alone. Confidence and self-worth are both key values needed to become a well-functioning member of society. By introducing the necessary tools, Affirmative Action gives minorities a chance to build confidence in themselves and their actions, thereby becoming a better person. When one feels he has become a better person, it encourages a sense of self worth. This newfound self worth can change a person’s life for the better. These feelings of self worth are major assets. Self-assurance is a key that opens many doors to success. A person who has eclipsed any negative internal sentiments has a far greater chance of further improvement. This self-improvement will eventually extend outward. The more people feel that they can count themselves as members of society, the better society will become for everyone.
The opportunity to better the self mentally, socially, and intellectually should be given to any person who wish to do so. All in all, I believe that Affirmative Action and other similar programs are doing a world of wonder. Any program that can change person’s life in such a positive way should be held in the highest regard. Opening doors that have been long slammed in the faces of minorities is an amazing achievement. Although it may still have a few kinks to be worked out, Affirmative Action offers minorities so many wonderful opportunities which otherwise may not have been available.
because to some people, the truth is more painful than a self-inflicted gunshot wound....
(let this bullet be your guiding star)
for every letter written and never sent
for every birthday forgotten, spent alone at home with the vcr
for every dream shattered without regard for the dreamer
for every love that never was
for every flower i wish i could see
for every riverbank i'll never touch
for every lie that has ever been told
for every second of time wasted that may never be returned
for every dawn and every dusk
for every forgotten memory
for every t.v. dinner
for every twelve seconds
for every beautiful person onthe streets of the night
for every addict who will not see tomorrow
for every secret ever kept
for every fly ball
for every kiss goodnight
for every evening prayer
for every indescribable sentiment you've never felt
just take a moment to realize how truly fucking amazing this life can be.
(let this bullet be your guiding star)
for every letter written and never sent
for every birthday forgotten, spent alone at home with the vcr
for every dream shattered without regard for the dreamer
for every love that never was
for every flower i wish i could see
for every riverbank i'll never touch
for every lie that has ever been told
for every second of time wasted that may never be returned
for every dawn and every dusk
for every forgotten memory
for every t.v. dinner
for every twelve seconds
for every beautiful person onthe streets of the night
for every addict who will not see tomorrow
for every secret ever kept
for every fly ball
for every kiss goodnight
for every evening prayer
for every indescribable sentiment you've never felt
just take a moment to realize how truly fucking amazing this life can be.
Friday
today is the first day of the rest of my life, right?
as anyone who knows me knows, today is the day that john comes back from germany. thoughts on this? where to begin? ahhhh. the freedom issue. will i be able to maintain my cirlce of zen while the fellow politely intrudeth? hopefully so. will he be different? probably. will i be? ha, ha.
after tonight, i'll know everything i need to know about the situation.
as anyone who knows me knows, today is the day that john comes back from germany. thoughts on this? where to begin? ahhhh. the freedom issue. will i be able to maintain my cirlce of zen while the fellow politely intrudeth? hopefully so. will he be different? probably. will i be? ha, ha.
after tonight, i'll know everything i need to know about the situation.
Tuesday
note to self: stop going to george webb's.
sure, leslie gave you free coffee and cookies, but those days are over now. the new era of bad omlettes and soggy hashbrowns has dawned. so just give it up.
on a pleasant note, i cut my hair. gasp. i know. and i really cut it myself. it's all choopy and silly, but it's not like it matters anyway. i had a d.i.y. fashion revolution this week. it's been fun, but we'll see how long it lasts. finished the outline of the film. feel free to love it. i certianly do.
i also love vanilla yogurt, mixed tapes, and unexpected telephone calls from the ones you love the most.
yeah yeah, summer's almost through. i must say it's beeen fair. not too much in the excitement department, but it could have been worse. heh heh.
ciao. miao.
sure, leslie gave you free coffee and cookies, but those days are over now. the new era of bad omlettes and soggy hashbrowns has dawned. so just give it up.
on a pleasant note, i cut my hair. gasp. i know. and i really cut it myself. it's all choopy and silly, but it's not like it matters anyway. i had a d.i.y. fashion revolution this week. it's been fun, but we'll see how long it lasts. finished the outline of the film. feel free to love it. i certianly do.
i also love vanilla yogurt, mixed tapes, and unexpected telephone calls from the ones you love the most.
yeah yeah, summer's almost through. i must say it's beeen fair. not too much in the excitement department, but it could have been worse. heh heh.
ciao. miao.
Friday
excuse me while i have an emo moment...
pinkgirlrock: who do you think you'll go to prom with?
alar04: i have absolutely no idea. i guess it depends on how the year plays out
pinkgirlrock: i always think that's kinda weird at our school... the most unlikely couples end up going together.
alar04: if i have a girlfriend at the time of prom which i hope i have, i will take her. if i dont have a girlfriend, then i dont know. but prom is awhile away. so there is no rush yet
pinkgirlrock: i know. and we graduate too!!!
alar04: but yea i am thinking about it like in the back of my mind. after seeing everyone go thru it last year, the seniors i mean, its gunna be weird knowing that that is going to be us now. its like one of those things that you think about but never really expect to happen in a way, well you do, but you dont think about it, you know what i mean?
pinkgirlrock: i know. it's so cool. i wonder if the younger kids look up to us liked we used to look up to them?
alar04: senior year of high school, prom, graduation, then college. i dont know. thatd be cool tho lol
pinkgirlrock: i remeber the first day i came to walden,, and i saw leslie williams (a black girl with dread locks and an eyebrow ring) and i thought she was the most wonderful person i'd ever seen
alar04: yea. i dont even think i can remember my first day at walden. that was 6th grade wow
pinkgirlrock: i know
alar04: it seems like so long ago
pinkgirlrock: it was like 6 years agon
alar04: i can remember like just bits and pieces leading up to this. it all seems to weird still. thats why i want to enjoy it and make it truly memorable becuz you'll never have it again, ever
pinkgirlrock: i know. it's crazy
alar04: yea it really is. and most of the people you'll prolly never see again
pinkgirlrock: this is the last year i get to stare at aj... haha
alar04: except for maybe like a high school reunion or something. lol yea
pinkgirlrock: yeah, but by then, everyone will be a completely different person
alar04: yea true. i remember how many people cried the last day of school 8th grade, i wonder if anybody will cry last day of school this year?
pinkgirlrock: we already are all different people. we've all changed so much since middle school...
alar04: yes. i know i have changed tremendously
pinkgirlrock: i will probably cry the last day of school... and i don't do that
alar04: especially throughout my high school years. yea me neither, but i dont know what i will do. ill prolly get emotional some how, but i dont think ill cry
pinkgirlrock: i think everyone will be really close this year
alar04: ive grown a lot throughout the past few years. yea i think so. so many people will be gone, a couple new people. i hope it will be great
pinkgirlrock: we have all been through a lot together, and we never even think about it until it's almost over: who will you ever know this well again? who will be there for you at 2 in the morning to help you with your journey paper (or any paper for that matter?) who will know why you got suspended in the 7th grade and still like you anyway?
alar04: yea i know. no one ever really will
pinkgirlrock: it's kinda sad, but in a way it's really beautiful
alar04: unless it occurs that you stay friends and stay in close contact with one of your friends from high school, but thats always rare. yea it really is. after its over all you have is the memories of it all, of your days in middle school and high school
pinkgirlrock: and everything inbetween
alar04: its going to be a weird kind of empty feeling when its over. but i gues in a way kind of fulfilling to know you did that
pinkgirlrock: this is so sentimental, i am such a girl
alar04: lol yea i know. but its nice to just be able to talk about it like this
pinkgirlrock: yeah
alar04: really makes you think about it
alar04: and sometimes nothing can be better for you than time to think
pinkgirlrock: who do you think you'll go to prom with?
alar04: i have absolutely no idea. i guess it depends on how the year plays out
pinkgirlrock: i always think that's kinda weird at our school... the most unlikely couples end up going together.
alar04: if i have a girlfriend at the time of prom which i hope i have, i will take her. if i dont have a girlfriend, then i dont know. but prom is awhile away. so there is no rush yet
pinkgirlrock: i know. and we graduate too!!!
alar04: but yea i am thinking about it like in the back of my mind. after seeing everyone go thru it last year, the seniors i mean, its gunna be weird knowing that that is going to be us now. its like one of those things that you think about but never really expect to happen in a way, well you do, but you dont think about it, you know what i mean?
pinkgirlrock: i know. it's so cool. i wonder if the younger kids look up to us liked we used to look up to them?
alar04: senior year of high school, prom, graduation, then college. i dont know. thatd be cool tho lol
pinkgirlrock: i remeber the first day i came to walden,, and i saw leslie williams (a black girl with dread locks and an eyebrow ring) and i thought she was the most wonderful person i'd ever seen
alar04: yea. i dont even think i can remember my first day at walden. that was 6th grade wow
pinkgirlrock: i know
alar04: it seems like so long ago
pinkgirlrock: it was like 6 years agon
alar04: i can remember like just bits and pieces leading up to this. it all seems to weird still. thats why i want to enjoy it and make it truly memorable becuz you'll never have it again, ever
pinkgirlrock: i know. it's crazy
alar04: yea it really is. and most of the people you'll prolly never see again
pinkgirlrock: this is the last year i get to stare at aj... haha
alar04: except for maybe like a high school reunion or something. lol yea
pinkgirlrock: yeah, but by then, everyone will be a completely different person
alar04: yea true. i remember how many people cried the last day of school 8th grade, i wonder if anybody will cry last day of school this year?
pinkgirlrock: we already are all different people. we've all changed so much since middle school...
alar04: yes. i know i have changed tremendously
pinkgirlrock: i will probably cry the last day of school... and i don't do that
alar04: especially throughout my high school years. yea me neither, but i dont know what i will do. ill prolly get emotional some how, but i dont think ill cry
pinkgirlrock: i think everyone will be really close this year
alar04: ive grown a lot throughout the past few years. yea i think so. so many people will be gone, a couple new people. i hope it will be great
pinkgirlrock: we have all been through a lot together, and we never even think about it until it's almost over: who will you ever know this well again? who will be there for you at 2 in the morning to help you with your journey paper (or any paper for that matter?) who will know why you got suspended in the 7th grade and still like you anyway?
alar04: yea i know. no one ever really will
pinkgirlrock: it's kinda sad, but in a way it's really beautiful
alar04: unless it occurs that you stay friends and stay in close contact with one of your friends from high school, but thats always rare. yea it really is. after its over all you have is the memories of it all, of your days in middle school and high school
pinkgirlrock: and everything inbetween
alar04: its going to be a weird kind of empty feeling when its over. but i gues in a way kind of fulfilling to know you did that
pinkgirlrock: this is so sentimental, i am such a girl
alar04: lol yea i know. but its nice to just be able to talk about it like this
pinkgirlrock: yeah
alar04: really makes you think about it
alar04: and sometimes nothing can be better for you than time to think
another lovely day spent in the company of mr tim palacek. wonderful child! i think i'm in love.
first, a bit of napping was in order. upon awakening, we walked the scenic route to the grocer and purchased some very red hair dye and a fresh loaf of italian bread. once we got back to tim's, we cooked up a storm and ate out in the backyard. much of the day was spent in the grass, staring into the nothing. beautiful.
tim is now a sex-machine. silky red hair to die for. i am proud of my work.... not that it matters. anyhow, the day was so spectacular that i had to write about it.... i know that isn't my style, but i felt this was worth it.
also, the film is getting on swell. lots of people are leaving comments and they're great. if you don't know the address, it's
www.livejournal.com/users/shewants
eat your heart out, kevin smith: this is going to fucking rule.
first, a bit of napping was in order. upon awakening, we walked the scenic route to the grocer and purchased some very red hair dye and a fresh loaf of italian bread. once we got back to tim's, we cooked up a storm and ate out in the backyard. much of the day was spent in the grass, staring into the nothing. beautiful.
tim is now a sex-machine. silky red hair to die for. i am proud of my work.... not that it matters. anyhow, the day was so spectacular that i had to write about it.... i know that isn't my style, but i felt this was worth it.
also, the film is getting on swell. lots of people are leaving comments and they're great. if you don't know the address, it's
www.livejournal.com/users/shewants
eat your heart out, kevin smith: this is going to fucking rule.
Thursday
dear god i am resurrected anew!
this music is so full of every sensation i've ever wanted to feel in excess......................
why? why me? why today? this is romance, this is something tha hasn't been touched upon in ages. a cascading balestraude if beauty in its mose exquisite form.
pinkgirlrock: sweet dreams
LilxTrung87: if only dreams were edible
this music is so full of every sensation i've ever wanted to feel in excess......................
why? why me? why today? this is romance, this is something tha hasn't been touched upon in ages. a cascading balestraude if beauty in its mose exquisite form.
pinkgirlrock: sweet dreams
LilxTrung87: if only dreams were edible
Tuesday
Monday
beck, john lennon, devo, cypress hill, james brown, dynamite hack, frank zappa, hank williams, incubus, isley bros, jefferson airplane, joe cocker, king crimson, kmfdm, led zepplin, lynard skynard, mcdonald and giles, meatloaf
merle haggard, motorhead, neil young, otis redding, pantera, peter gabriel, phish, pink flloyd, portishead, queen, ramones, rod stewart, scorpions, sex pistols, SKEELO, skid row, sly and the family stone, snoop dog, dr dre, sonny and cher, soundgarden, steely dan, stevie ray vaughn, stevie wonder, sublime, system of a down, talking heads, ted nugent, the clash, the hives, the strokes, the temptations, the vines......the white stripes, the who, the yard birds, tool, traffic, ugly kid joe, van halen, van morrison, willie d, willie nelson, woodie guthrie, zz top.
hot damn, what a night!
no, not really it's one of those days where nothing is real and i don't care to make it so.....
merle haggard, motorhead, neil young, otis redding, pantera, peter gabriel, phish, pink flloyd, portishead, queen, ramones, rod stewart, scorpions, sex pistols, SKEELO, skid row, sly and the family stone, snoop dog, dr dre, sonny and cher, soundgarden, steely dan, stevie ray vaughn, stevie wonder, sublime, system of a down, talking heads, ted nugent, the clash, the hives, the strokes, the temptations, the vines......the white stripes, the who, the yard birds, tool, traffic, ugly kid joe, van halen, van morrison, willie d, willie nelson, woodie guthrie, zz top.
hot damn, what a night!
no, not really it's one of those days where nothing is real and i don't care to make it so.....
Sunday
Michaddison: i'm going to marquette on monday and madison on friday, and uwm soon. hopefully i'll find a better fit at one of those. i don't like it when people really want me to go to their school. i'm not the best that's out there, so i want to go somewhere that thinks i'm nothing special compared to the other students there
pinkgirlrock: great attitude
pinkgirlrock: it isn't like you got great grades and worked hard or anything... those bastards don't know what they're getting into!
Michaddison: well, if i'm going to pay thousands of dollars either way, i'd rather go somewhere that everyone tried harder than me and maybe i'll learn something from them.
pinkgirlrock: why couldn't you do that somewhere where you'd be among people of your caliber?
Michaddison: i don't aspire to be me.
pinkgirlrock: what are you aspiring to be then?
Michaddison: like those people who already had it all together in high school. i'm aspiring to be robbie erdman.
pinkgirlrock: who the hell is robbie erdman?
sigh. you know i love you. let's not bother with silly things such as these. let's think about all the things worth thinking about, like sunrise. or sleepovers.
pinkgirlrock: great attitude
pinkgirlrock: it isn't like you got great grades and worked hard or anything... those bastards don't know what they're getting into!
Michaddison: well, if i'm going to pay thousands of dollars either way, i'd rather go somewhere that everyone tried harder than me and maybe i'll learn something from them.
pinkgirlrock: why couldn't you do that somewhere where you'd be among people of your caliber?
Michaddison: i don't aspire to be me.
pinkgirlrock: what are you aspiring to be then?
Michaddison: like those people who already had it all together in high school. i'm aspiring to be robbie erdman.
pinkgirlrock: who the hell is robbie erdman?
sigh. you know i love you. let's not bother with silly things such as these. let's think about all the things worth thinking about, like sunrise. or sleepovers.
Friday
good friends, good music, good times.
an extraordinary week draws to a close. i went to a phenomenal dance party, went thrift shopping, and just had an all-around rock and roll sort of time. sigh. this has been an insane summer.
everything is beautiful and right, and i have a million miles of freedom. this is amazing. i am in love with all of the possibilities. music everywhere, and nothing matters unless i want it to. incredible.
not to mention the sleeping. oh glorious moonlight activity! the sleep is heavenly and excessive. i think i'm in love.
<3.
an extraordinary week draws to a close. i went to a phenomenal dance party, went thrift shopping, and just had an all-around rock and roll sort of time. sigh. this has been an insane summer.
everything is beautiful and right, and i have a million miles of freedom. this is amazing. i am in love with all of the possibilities. music everywhere, and nothing matters unless i want it to. incredible.
not to mention the sleeping. oh glorious moonlight activity! the sleep is heavenly and excessive. i think i'm in love.
<3.
Tuesday
She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be
She just can’t be chained
To a life where nothing’s gained
And nothing’s lost
At such a cost
There’s no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain’t life unkind?
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
what do you mean, you don't understand?
Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be
She just can’t be chained
To a life where nothing’s gained
And nothing’s lost
At such a cost
There’s no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain’t life unkind?
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
what do you mean, you don't understand?
Wednesday
i love you, you hate me.
i'm not angry, just dissapointed.
pinkgirlrock: my hands smell like candy
Lumenredundas: thats a plus
Lumenredundas: just dont eat your hand by accident
pinkgirlrock: i put on this lotion and it's really strong... i'm considering taking a bite.
Lumenredundas: haha
pinkgirlrock: just a little one...
Lumenredundas: ok just a little
Lumenredundas: but dont spoil your dinner
love me two times, girl.
actually, love me just once, and i'll be alright. things are looking up today. get over yourself.
i'm not angry, just dissapointed.
pinkgirlrock: my hands smell like candy
Lumenredundas: thats a plus
Lumenredundas: just dont eat your hand by accident
pinkgirlrock: i put on this lotion and it's really strong... i'm considering taking a bite.
Lumenredundas: haha
pinkgirlrock: just a little one...
Lumenredundas: ok just a little
Lumenredundas: but dont spoil your dinner
love me two times, girl.
actually, love me just once, and i'll be alright. things are looking up today. get over yourself.
Tuesday
"innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself."
-joan didion
*make amends, let's make amends... make amends, amends amends.*
this is the earliest i've been upin weeks and it reminds me why i like the morning. it's a clean time when you can collect your thoughts and dreams and get lost in the other side of your life, that intimate side only you know. regardless of who your friends are, they never know you the way you know yourself. i think it's wonderful to have a truly private life.
amen.
-joan didion
*make amends, let's make amends... make amends, amends amends.*
this is the earliest i've been upin weeks and it reminds me why i like the morning. it's a clean time when you can collect your thoughts and dreams and get lost in the other side of your life, that intimate side only you know. regardless of who your friends are, they never know you the way you know yourself. i think it's wonderful to have a truly private life.
amen.
Monday
this is the strangest section of my life to date... i never know if i'm asleep or awake (and what does it matter anyways if am either) and never understand the patterns of coercion. my mind is alseep when my body's awake and vice versa.
the tides of our lives are crashing waves that leave us stranded in each other's mercy... one can only hope that the mercy is with them, not in someone else's favor. why are we such heartless monsters?
(but you might as well face it, you're addicted to love)
we have smiles that match the arches of your eyelids. my smile is oriental in origin.... your laugh is a genuine comfort and i wish i could catch it like a fly ball. go fish.
sunday is the slowest way to thursday i know. i know. damn.
the tides of our lives are crashing waves that leave us stranded in each other's mercy... one can only hope that the mercy is with them, not in someone else's favor. why are we such heartless monsters?
(but you might as well face it, you're addicted to love)
we have smiles that match the arches of your eyelids. my smile is oriental in origin.... your laugh is a genuine comfort and i wish i could catch it like a fly ball. go fish.
sunday is the slowest way to thursday i know. i know. damn.
Friday
Thursday
where have all my hours of sleep gone?
i haven't slept for a full night in god knows how long.. i'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with that. maybe it's just summer. maybe it's just that i'm a robot. or maybe i'm retarded.
i've been listening to the same six cd's all summer and the future doesn't look too good from here. oh well. i miss john. life is empty without him. (where are you john?) duh. i'm getting excited about the show on the first. i have no idea how it will turn out. hopefully wonderful because i love accoustic guitars in the moonlight. not to mention the smell of a bonfire. and michael, even though i'm tough on her.
matt says i'm tough on my friends. he's right. i mean well. i just don't want them to slip up and wreck things for themselves. who am i though, right...... dear lord i sound like ******. i'm through.
i haven't slept for a full night in god knows how long.. i'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with that. maybe it's just summer. maybe it's just that i'm a robot. or maybe i'm retarded.
i've been listening to the same six cd's all summer and the future doesn't look too good from here. oh well. i miss john. life is empty without him. (where are you john?) duh. i'm getting excited about the show on the first. i have no idea how it will turn out. hopefully wonderful because i love accoustic guitars in the moonlight. not to mention the smell of a bonfire. and michael, even though i'm tough on her.
matt says i'm tough on my friends. he's right. i mean well. i just don't want them to slip up and wreck things for themselves. who am i though, right...... dear lord i sound like ******. i'm through.
Wednesday
Friday
"you cannot shake hands with a closed fist."
-mahatma ghandi
i have decided to start everything over.
this includes putting up with people's lying bull shit.
IndiEeLf777: bah i cant find a clean shirt
pinkgirlrock: who cares? laundry is over-rated
sometimes i wonder when i'll meet someone new... not new in the sense of "new skin," but in the sense of new personality.
iit seems like i keep re-encounterin the same six spirits shifting shapes but saying the same things.
-mahatma ghandi
i have decided to start everything over.
this includes putting up with people's lying bull shit.
IndiEeLf777: bah i cant find a clean shirt
pinkgirlrock: who cares? laundry is over-rated
sometimes i wonder when i'll meet someone new... not new in the sense of "new skin," but in the sense of new personality.
iit seems like i keep re-encounterin the same six spirits shifting shapes but saying the same things.
Thursday
Tuesday
i wish i were an aeroplane so that i coud fly myself to you.
i wish i were a caustic substance that stuck to you like glue.
i wish you understood me when i told you how i feel,
i wish i was your savior sitting down to my last meal.
i wish i knew what you were thinking when you tell me that you're fine.
i wish i knew a way to say "we're running out of time."
don't go.
i wish i were a caustic substance that stuck to you like glue.
i wish you understood me when i told you how i feel,
i wish i was your savior sitting down to my last meal.
i wish i knew what you were thinking when you tell me that you're fine.
i wish i knew a way to say "we're running out of time."
don't go.
Sunday
i've been having dreams about my english teacher.
well well, old friend, a substantial amount of time has passed and here we are, reacquainted only by chance. how have you been?
i've been as well as can be expected. well, let's begin then, shall we?
i memorize the lines of your body because you deny me the priveledge of familiarity. here is where we stretch our minds, regardless of what you've been told.
(forget all of those things anyway, because they are wrong. who knows, everything could very well be wrong. life does not guarantee positive results: dissapointment is truly inevitable.)
how life moves in such dull circles. i am still trying ot come at it from an angle and finding that i fail miserably. today was the first time i've drank alone for the sole purpose of intoxication. i believe that this has incredible potential.
well well, old friend, a substantial amount of time has passed and here we are, reacquainted only by chance. how have you been?
i've been as well as can be expected. well, let's begin then, shall we?
i memorize the lines of your body because you deny me the priveledge of familiarity. here is where we stretch our minds, regardless of what you've been told.
(forget all of those things anyway, because they are wrong. who knows, everything could very well be wrong. life does not guarantee positive results: dissapointment is truly inevitable.)
how life moves in such dull circles. i am still trying ot come at it from an angle and finding that i fail miserably. today was the first time i've drank alone for the sole purpose of intoxication. i believe that this has incredible potential.
i am free from the time constraints of your psuedo-realism:
i am the alchemy betty.
who are you?
things aren't falling apart anymore, thank god they're finally coming together. i have come to understand that i should
practice the fine art of self-gratification more oftenmaking myself happy is the best thing that could possibly happen to me.
i am the alchemy betty.
who are you?
things aren't falling apart anymore, thank god they're finally coming together. i have come to understand that i should
practice the fine art of self-gratification more oftenmaking myself happy is the best thing that could possibly happen to me.
Monday
the day is long, but yesterday was better than i'd ever thought.
sometimes, i isng before i go to bed to clear my head and instead
i end up thinking of you.
what am i doing to myself? what are you doing to me?
what would happen if i went away and didn't tell you where i was going?
would you miss me?
would you even notice?
what are you thinking?
do you find my questions bothersome?
i think we both know where this is going...
i think i'm going and i don't think you should join me.
sometimes, i isng before i go to bed to clear my head and instead
i end up thinking of you.
what am i doing to myself? what are you doing to me?
what would happen if i went away and didn't tell you where i was going?
would you miss me?
would you even notice?
what are you thinking?
do you find my questions bothersome?
i think we both know where this is going...
i think i'm going and i don't think you should join me.
Friday
Wednesday
yesterday was wonderful... except the part that sucked. i told jake that we should go on a road trip some time soon.
we did this morning. sarah and i rescued bert and ernie from the train station in waukegan. it was nice there. we got up early and drove car rapidly down the interstate. we laughed. we sang. we saw lots of mexicans. true story.
hopefully things will start towork out like this all of the time. we could all be good friends if everyone didn't want so badly to fight all of the time. we could be three's company.
we did this morning. sarah and i rescued bert and ernie from the train station in waukegan. it was nice there. we got up early and drove car rapidly down the interstate. we laughed. we sang. we saw lots of mexicans. true story.
hopefully things will start towork out like this all of the time. we could all be good friends if everyone didn't want so badly to fight all of the time. we could be three's company.
Saturday
this is the lonliest year of my life. every day is empty and buried in saddness like an emo kid.
jesus christ, what do you expect?
where are all the pretty girls who used to play music and dance like faries? that is all over now.
sorrow is a song to which i know all of the words,
what are you thinking about?
nothing, my darling. nothing at all.
jesus christ, what do you expect?
where are all the pretty girls who used to play music and dance like faries? that is all over now.
sorrow is a song to which i know all of the words,
what are you thinking about?
nothing, my darling. nothing at all.
Friday
this is the semi-fictitcious account of my day:
nothing. that is all.
tomorrow, i will be going over to jo and carl's house for the night. we're going to play rock and roll all night long.
they tried to set me up with one of their friends... lame. josh moved away to florida and i'l never see him again. that's sad because i just wrote him this really nice letter. good thing i didn't send it, huh?
hopefully, i can meet some new people and reinvent my dull life. kristen is having a girl's-night-out thing at her house tonight; i don't know if i'll go. i know i should so i can get back in touch with everyone, but i just don't feel up to it. that would be the second time in a row. if i go, i have to behave and ignore sarah again. that didn't work out so well last time... he he he.
he wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so clingy and invasive of personal space.
he's not the only one.
nothing. that is all.
tomorrow, i will be going over to jo and carl's house for the night. we're going to play rock and roll all night long.
they tried to set me up with one of their friends... lame. josh moved away to florida and i'l never see him again. that's sad because i just wrote him this really nice letter. good thing i didn't send it, huh?
hopefully, i can meet some new people and reinvent my dull life. kristen is having a girl's-night-out thing at her house tonight; i don't know if i'll go. i know i should so i can get back in touch with everyone, but i just don't feel up to it. that would be the second time in a row. if i go, i have to behave and ignore sarah again. that didn't work out so well last time... he he he.
he wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so clingy and invasive of personal space.
he's not the only one.
Wednesday
i am at the uwm library helping john with a research paper. i was just thinking about how i'm a senior in only a few short months. how cool is that? joe devine and i are making buttons. it'll be cool, you know? we should all put in equal so that things will go well.
grades sucked this quarter. i love puppies.
summer, come soon.
grades sucked this quarter. i love puppies.
summer, come soon.
Sunday
what ever happened to happiness?
that is a trick question. i know that there's happiness as long as there's the michael's, but that's not the happiness i'm talking about. i need the inspiration i used to have when i was a smart pop girl... but everyone forgot about me. that's alright though, because i'm learning to forget about them.
that is a trick question. i know that there's happiness as long as there's the michael's, but that's not the happiness i'm talking about. i need the inspiration i used to have when i was a smart pop girl... but everyone forgot about me. that's alright though, because i'm learning to forget about them.
this time it's gonna be great. i know where i'm going. i gave my poetry to a publisher and everything is just falling into place. i might be writing an award winning film with some very cool kids who are very professional. wow. i'm trying to get into miad's summer program.
i can't wrap my lips around yours the way that i should
i don't know where i'm going
the pictures that we took last weak are all i can remember...
thank god i'm a lady.
i can't wrap my lips around yours the way that i should
i don't know where i'm going
the pictures that we took last weak are all i can remember...
thank god i'm a lady.
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